Psalm 142

Psalm 142

A maskil of David. When he was in the cave. A prayer.

I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.

I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watch over my way. In the path where I walk people have hidden a snare for me.

Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life.

I cry to you, Lord;     I say, “You are my refuge,     my portion in the land of the living.”

Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me,     for they are too strong for me. 

 Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me  because of your goodness to me.

Continuing with the Victim Blaming

As I am gaining courage telling friends about my abuse, I am finding out who my true friends are.  Most are appalled that I could have experienced such a tragedy.  Most are so overwhelmingly supportive that sometimes I don’t know how to thank them.  It is always so nice to be reassured in my healing process that it is OK to feel the way I do.  Sadly, there are one too many that have ended our friendship.

I know that if someone ends my friendship in such a time, they were not really my friend.  However, that doesn’t stop my heart from hurting knowing that I lost another friend over what this idiot did to me.  Why am I the one being punished? Why am I the one that has to bear the stigma of rape? Why am I the one that is embarrassed? I shouldn’t be, but I am.

“If you have been raped or sexually assaulted and you have been blamed, or fear that you may be blamed, I just want you to understand this: You are not to blame. There is nothing you did to make someone hurt you, nor is there anything you could have done differently to prevent or stop it.”
― Robert Uttaro, To the Survivors: One Man’s Journey as a Rape Crisis Counselor with True Stories of Sexual Violence