It has only been recent that I ever admitted to feeling guilt over what happened to me. Guilt that i kept it secret. Guilt because there was “Just something about me” that attracted him. Guilt for keeping the secret. Guilt because by keeping the secret it means I am helping him in the long run.
I know I was underage and not responsible for what happened, but if I had done something…..I don’t even want to have these thoughts, but I think it is healthy to question it. At least to question it to a point.
I never even felt guilty about it. Once I realized the magnitude of keeping silent, I felt the guilt wash over me. I used the regular excuses like: I am a victim, I have no control over him, and I was made silent. Well, no one is making me keep it silent now. I can’t ‘help’ him hurt others.
According to the law, victims do not have to report rape to the law. They are not obligated to do it unless they want to. It has been 3 and half years since my attack and I am finally feeling ready to make a report. The thought of him being a Sunday School teacher and hurting other kids just makes me sick. I think I feel guilt knowing the pain it caused me could happen to another. I can’t live with myself if he hurt another.
So, does anyone who reads this ever wish they had press charges? Or does anyone who did press charges regret it? To be honest, I keep saying one thing and thing change my mind. Like I said earlier, it is the victim’s decision.