Dear “Sissy”

I am writing this to my rapist’s wife.  A woman that I looked at like a sister. 

I remember the first moment I met you.  You were standing in front of the house as I got out of the van.  As soon as I saw you, I felt a connection to you.  I thought I could tell you things I couldn’t tell anyone else. 

We had a strong bond that was broken by a choice that YOU made.  Not me. 

I remember when you would cry that your husband wouldn’t spend time with you.  He would rather go to a ball game or go hunting rather than be at home with his family.  You complained that he would only give you part of the money that he made, well, I know the reason.  He went to strip clubs.  

You would cry that you didn’t feel loved.  That you weren’t even proposed to.  He treated you like his maid and didn’t even tell you thank you when you made his plate at supper.  So, basically, you were being the perfect housewife and took care of the man that raped me. 

I don’t blame you.  I blame him.  He used you.  The same as he used me.  He used you and the kids as a cover, and you let him.  Although in the beginning you didn’t know what he was doing, but you know now. That is enough to make me blame you. 

You and I would sleep in the same bed when you came to our house to get away from him because he was being mean.  I wiped your tears away and stood up to him for you.  I told him that he was a jerk.  I told him that he didn’t deserve you.  I was the one that made him treat you better. 

When I told my parent’s about it, they told me not to tell you.  “We have to hurt one to save the other.”  You would get insulted when I would come up with some dumb excuse to not go to your house for sleepovers.  You would pick on me.  I wanted to tell you, but as you know you don’t go against my mom. 

I loved you.  I loved you like my blood.  You were my Sissy.  You were suppose to help me rather than back up your man that had been touching and raping me since I was 13.  I know that my parent’s may have convinced themselves that it didn’t happen, but you can’t.  

You know what I say is the truth.  You think about it when you lay your head down to sleep at night.  You think about how I told you and the tears I cried. You know how he said how he had touched me and raped me and he knew I didn’t want it.  You even called me out for not telling the whole truth.  I bared my entire soul to you as I sobbed and said I wanted him to go to jail. 

I will never forget how I felt when you chose him over me.  How I felt betrayed by the one person I thought had my back.  So, what if I was off at college?  It doesn’t change what he did to me.  Then you went on to rail about the fact that your best friend’s daughters could have been raped by their dad and you were so upset.  What about me?  What about me, your friend?  A girl who was sobbing in your car asking the last person she trusted for help.  

My parent’s tried to control you.  I know they did.  I remember when we had the last conversation in my mom’s bedroom.  She said that we couldn’t talk about it anymore. After that, it was like it never happened.  But it did. 

You know it did.  You got both sides of the story and you marveled at how well they lined up. I was surprised that he would be so honest.  I was so hurt that you could look at me when I said he raped me and you could still choose him. 

After time past, I realized what happened.  My parent’s were controlling you.  They told you that people would blame you.  That they would think that you were not providing for him.  That you were not being a good enough wife.  That it would be a scandal.

Which is a bigger scandal: you standing up and saying what happened was wrong and protecting me from them or finding out latter that he broke his promise that he wouldn’t do it again and finding out your daughter is pregnant by her daddy? 

I may sound brutally honest and I want it too.  I want you to know the pain that you caused me.  I never wanted to tell you what he was doing to me.  I was just so sick of keeping it in that I planned my suicide.  I would have rather have died than tell you what he did to me.  I even told you that.  

All I want from you is for you to tell the truth.  I am tired of being shunned by my brothers and sisters.  The one person that can help me is you.  You have the whole story.  You know every detail.  I had to carry the burden of lies for 5 years.  For you it has only been 3 years and I know it gets heavier everyday.  I know that you want to tell everyone that I am telling the truth.  

The day you chose him over me, I am sure that you thought it would just go away.  Well, I told you then that I would leave and never return.  I came back for a few visits to see you and my siblings, but it was never my home.  

I miss you.  I want you to be part of my life.  I want to see how the kids are growing and have relationships with my siblings, but they have been told by my parents that I am lying.  You are the only one that can stop this.  You can step up and be a hero.  You can stop him.  

I think people would rather see you as a hero who stopped a serial child rapist rather than a victim of a man that used you.  That is just my opinion, and you know I always had an opinion.  

If you want to get in touch with me after you tell my siblings that what I am saying is true, my email is 

I want you in my life, so you need to know how I feel.  



  1. Will continuing the relationship with this woman be good for you? It appears that your relationship with her was unbalanced in her favor, that you provided comfort and care for her but there was no reciprocity. You may find that the only way you can move forward is to leave her behind.


  2. Believe me when I say I know your pains. I know how it it to be violated. I also know how it feels to have people you trusted bearing false witness on you. Be strong. And you know what they say, don’t let their evil overcome good, instead let your good overcome their evil… I hope you make better friends, and create for yourself a new beginning that will be more conducive to healing than the one you left. And as for those people, I am an advocate of seeking justice where it is due, but also find solace in that sometimes we don’t even have to do anything for something to happen that brings them to their senses.


  3. My god, this is poweful. Reading it gave me the chills. I think you have an enormous heart and maturity beyond your years. I hope it is therapeutic to write this letter. Sadly, it probably won’t do anything to change the rapist or his relationship with his family. There must be some bad seed hidden deep in human DNA that allows this character flaw to occur over and over again, often in people who from the outside look perfectly sane, normal, and functional. Keep writing, if it helps. You never know where your words & experiences may resonate to help some other poor struggling soul.


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