Birthday girl thoughts

Today is my birthday and I am happy.  Last week, I was in tears because I knew my siblings would not text me for my birthday.  I sobbed for two days.  Now, I am fine with it.

Last night I kept dreaming that I was begging my adoptive parents to tell the truth.  They kept refusing and I kept crying.  It was exhausting I when the sun came up, I was too tired to get up.  My husband let me sleep in while he went and got me some surprises.

When I woke up, my kitty was staring me in the face about six inches from my nose.  She was meowing her head off!  Then I saw she wanted to play fetch and I threw her toilet paper ball (Her favorite toy) to her.  We did a couple of rounds and she made me laugh. 

My husband came home and I just loved seeing him.  I realized that this past year, I had lost a lot.  I lost things and people that I cared so much about, but I also gained so much more than I lost. Sometimes I forget to think of what I gained.

This is what I gained: I can smile, truly smile.  I can laugh without it being forced.  I have a twinkle in my eyes.  I have joy and love in my heart.  I have a husband that loves me unconditionally and I love him more than anything.  I have a network of people who support me and ‘get’ why I am doing this.  I feel like the horrible past that has haunted me all my life is beginning dissipate like rain clouds on a sunny day.  I have a desire to stop people like those I grew up with, so I can honestly tell them thank you for that.  I finally know that God loves me no matter what!

It is an awesome feeling and yes it hurts that my family abandoned me, but I have so much more to be happy about!! 

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18 Comments

  1. Happy Birthday! Yeah time to celebrate being you! You are so special, one of a kind. I am glad that you see the sunshiney things today and be grateful. Maybe those negative things will come around someday, but till then be happy in you and those that do love you. Baby yourself today with lots of love and joy. Hugs Meghan

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  2. Happy Happ day to you.

    Unfortunately, we can pick our friends (and spouses) but not our original families. Sometimes it’s just best to move on without them, which it sounds like you’re doing.

    May each succeeding birthday be happier than the last.

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  3. Happy birthday! As someone who dealt with his own abuse a couple of years ago, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I’m happy that you’ve found so many amazing things to be happy and thankful for. It’s a great feeling to own your past rather than letting it own you. Here’s to a great year ahead!

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