A letter I wrote to my parents before I started this blog.

I have been wondering what forgiveness is lately.  Ever since Easter, I have been struggling with forgiveness and what it means.  I decided to take a break from posting to see what I could come up with.

I don’t know if I can ever forgive my family and my rapist for what they did. However, I think I can find peace about it.

So what if forgiveness is finding peace about the abuse and rape that I endured as a child? 

I don’t know, but to me it is a profound thought.

My husband says that I am a very forgiving person, but that is with him.  I forgive him because I love him and adore him.  How can I forgive someone that I loved and trusted and they abused that trust in the worst way? 

Lately, I have been feeling so sad for my parents.  They are the ones that have to live in a false reality that they have to force to maintain.  I can be honest and open about my abuse and rape and that frees me.  Talking about it and being honest allows for me to be me.  They have to lay their heads down at night knowing that THEY are the ones that are living a lie.  How pathetic is that?

 

 

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4 Comments

  1. You know, I have discovered in life, that everyone’s reality is their own. Lies become ingrained, become truths, become the owners of those who birthed them. I wonder if many of those who hurt you, truly have not uncovered the reality behind their own myths. Some may never. The best you can do, I think, is recognize that you own your reality. You are not responsible for the beliefs of others. Having faced hard truths of your own reality has made you a stronger and more humane person. Forgiveness? I dunno. The crimes can never be forgiven. But perhaps you can relieve yourself of hating the perpetrators of the crime. Maybe letting go of hate is the best thing.

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