I found myself having a hard week last week. I don’t know exactly what made it hard, but emotionally I went through the wringer. I think it is part of the healing process. Panic attacks, I am not so sure they are part of the healing process.
I have a confession. My husband and I adopted a cat in February. She is my emotional companion. I rescued her now she rescues me. It is amazing how in-tuned with me she seems to be. Every time I was emotional, Chinny meows and rubs against me. She reminds me that there is someone that loves me unconditionally. She always has something to say to me.
Just this morning, she greeted me. I walked out of the bed room and she ran up to me and seemed to tell me good morning. It made my day. It is great to wake up to such a wonderful reminder that there is wonderful things out there to be happy about. That even though bad things happen, there are great things that happen also. It isn’t about focusing on the good and ignoring the bad. It is looking through the bad and being able to see something good.
I was going to post there, but felt the need to go on. For me, my past is like a veil over how I see the world. Before I was raped and molested, I saw the good in the world. After, my view was tainted with the violence. I saw that the world was full of violence. There is a difference between reading something terrible in the news and imagining how you would respond and when it really happens to you. It was like being able to see the world in color and suddenly seeing it in black and white. It felt like I was stumbling through the dark and barely making it. Now that I am in therapy, I am learning to look through the veil, to use what happened to me, to shape who I will be. I am learning that though there is violence and I was blinded, I can still see the good.