“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” 
― Ernest Hemingway

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Why survivors need each other

Why Survivors Need Each Other

 

Blamed

So, my adoptive grandmother died and no one told me.  Surprise.  When I asked an old friend why no one told me, she said, “I dunno as far as I know you quit making contact. They probably figured you didn’t want to know..I’m sorry girl.” I will admit I went off on her.  I know that none of this is her fault.  I am truly sorry that I lost my cool with someone I love as much as her. 

Just hearing her say that I quit making contact, burnt me up.  Here I am, I have tried to reach out to them.  I have written to them on my blog.  I have texted my sister on different occasions. Today, being one of those occasions. I have records of where I have tried to IM chat with them.  I have posted an email address on here for them to use. They have never once tried to take initiative to talk to me.  

I don’t know why they blame me for not wanting to talk to them.  They are the ones that treated me so badly.  They  are the ones that didn’t think it was child abuse to whip me until I bled.  They are the ones that tried to break my marriage up. ( I haven’t even gotten to that part of what happened.) They are the ones that didn’t want to come to my wedding reception because they didn’t ‘plan’ it. They are the ones that don’t want to see me happy and living life. They just want to blame me for ALL their problems.

Maybe it is my fault, maybe all this bad stuff that is happening to the is all the seeds they planted when I was their. Maybe all the bad seeds have grown into rotten plants that they have to harvest now.  My Ma always told me that you reap what you sow. Perhaps it is just their time to reap.