Blamed

So, my adoptive grandmother died and no one told me.  Surprise.  When I asked an old friend why no one told me, she said, “I dunno as far as I know you quit making contact. They probably figured you didn’t want to know..I’m sorry girl.” I will admit I went off on her.  I know that none of this is her fault.  I am truly sorry that I lost my cool with someone I love as much as her. 

Just hearing her say that I quit making contact, burnt me up.  Here I am, I have tried to reach out to them.  I have written to them on my blog.  I have texted my sister on different occasions. Today, being one of those occasions. I have records of where I have tried to IM chat with them.  I have posted an email address on here for them to use. They have never once tried to take initiative to talk to me.  

I don’t know why they blame me for not wanting to talk to them.  They are the ones that treated me so badly.  They  are the ones that didn’t think it was child abuse to whip me until I bled.  They are the ones that tried to break my marriage up. ( I haven’t even gotten to that part of what happened.) They are the ones that didn’t want to come to my wedding reception because they didn’t ‘plan’ it. They are the ones that don’t want to see me happy and living life. They just want to blame me for ALL their problems.

Maybe it is my fault, maybe all this bad stuff that is happening to the is all the seeds they planted when I was their. Maybe all the bad seeds have grown into rotten plants that they have to harvest now.  My Ma always told me that you reap what you sow. Perhaps it is just their time to reap. 

 

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2 Comments

  1. Well, just from an outsider looking in, if you consider the words in this blog to be reaching out to communicate with them, I can understand why they wouldn’t feel compelled to engage with you.

    I thought this blog was a way for you to vent your anger and frustration with events in the past. But publicly airing family laundry and then expecting family to embrace you, is never going to work in your favor.

    You can’t change what happened. They can’t either. They COULD at least acknowledge the past and say “we’re sorry.” But as I’ve pointed out before, they undoubtedly have a different image of reality than you do. You aren’t going to change their view and they won’t change yours. The only change that can happen is for you to put the past behind you. If you still want communication with these people, you have to accept them as they are. If that is not possible for you, then walk away. They no longer exist. If they no longer exist, they will live and die w/o your knowledge or blessing. It sounds to me like they have done this very thing already. You no longer exist in their lives.

    Focus forward. Your wonderful husband, the possibilities of all your accomplishments and adventures to come.

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  2. I know the efforts you have put into trying to contact and communicate with them. I do not claim to understand why they refuse that contact but that’s their problem. It is THEIR loss not yours. You are a wonderful person Morgan with a wonderful heart and if they fail to see that then as I said, their loss.

    Keep moving forward. I know it hurt to have learned about your grandma days after the funeral. But we cannot go back and change that.

    I love you sweetheart and I am very very proud of you. Always remember that.

    Like

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